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proposal outline
Title : A proposal to gain more education and use recycling bins at the University of Iowa. Purpose Statement : To persuade students to recycle more and the benefits of doing so. How it can change the world in the long run. Thesis Statement: Recycling is important to both the natural environment and the human population and it can be fixed at the University of Iowa in a simple way. Introduction : The amount of rubbish humans create is constantly increasing for many reasons including, buying more products and ultimately creating more waste, increasing population, new packaging and technology products are being developed and new lifestyle changes, such as eating fast food. Recycling is not only important for our environment but for ourselves. Our landfills our filling up. Products made from raw materials costs us more than recycled products. Body: Main point 1: - importance of recycling - benefits and damages to us and the world Mai...
Maybe include sub headers for academic and non-academic writing, like (structure, language, etc.)
ReplyDeleteThe introduction has good background. The thesis statement is clear. There are a couple grammatical errors and a citation error but that is about it for the introduction. The overall paper is smooth. There are some repetitive words that do not need to be used since they have the same meanings. Non-academic and academic writings are defined very well with good sources and examples. In the conclusion maybe also include some things that were fun or surprising to find out about to make the paper more interesting towards the end.
The paper is overall good and gives a lot pertinent information to reader about writing in the field of business. There are however a few errors that really detract from the meaning of the paper. The quotes are well implemented and well explained. The citations were also well put throughout the paper.
ReplyDeleteOne of largest errors that I saw throughout the paper was the actual structure of the paper. The paper didn't have headings such as language, structure, audience, etc.... instead the paper was structured in a way that for each para graph the the main topic was the individual sources. The use of this structure really breaks up the information that you are giving about each and its individual structure/language.
For referencing the different sources and the titles of those sources instead of putting the titles in quotations I would italicize them.And for some of the things that you were talking about within your paragraphs I would say that you need more quotes for the language aspect of business. Addition of language examples would help the reader to be able to see tangible evidence that there is a difference between academic and non-academic writing.
Within your introduction paragraphs that you use for your paper in general writing there is a little anecdote about yourself and why you had chosen to write about business writing. I feel that this can detract from the fact that the paper is a report of the writing within business, so it shouldn't really have any personal things in it. In order to avoid this I would just make things a little more general so it doesn't refer to only you and more of the general population or business professionals in general.